Hello, hello, hello.

No one writes just to "write." That's like making messages in bottles and casting them off into the sea, with the intention of someone replying back: it just seems pointless, wasteful, ineffectual. The reason why we seal our emotions in bottles, in clear glass vessels for anyone to pick up and open if they so please,  is because of an attempt at catharsis. To bottle up all the bad stuff and release them from our bodies; to go on the world's stage and shout to the world what's wrong with us, and then proceeding to say we're okay. Our hearts are books to be read, and each word imparted helps lighten the weights bearing down on our souls. 

I guess that's my reason for I'm writing this. It's a project to help me out, and maybe you can relate? What is the subject matter, anyway? I'm trying to relate to everyone who has ever wanted one thing and received another. Too broad? Don't get it yet? They say that inspiration demands a muse. So if right now I'm just shooting off how I feel, vomiting emotionally so to say, who's the one that makes my stomach rumble, who's the one that sticks a finger down my throat, sending every word inside of me to bubble up and rocket out of my intestines, my throat, my mouth? 

You guessed it, right? You know what it's about, right? 

Yes, yes it is about girls I knew. Know? Who knows. Contrived and hackneyed and boring, how tedious the subject matter is. But again, this is an attempt to regulate how I feel.

In front of you, I am a performer attempting to gain your accolades. Someone who makes a fool of himself to make my audience laugh; someone who creates someone he thinks you want to see to make you smile. And yet, as I act out this character in front of you, we begin to see two very different roles being played out. I convey myself as a lover, yet you see me as a friend, and when we hold up the perceptions we've made side by side they don't match at all. I feel that I'm traipsing along a very defined line that separates friendship and love, wanting to just jump headfirst onto the other side, the one that will make you mine. 

  

(...Enough with the metaphors already...) 

I'll just go about and say it, because the whole notion of fairy-tale romances doesn't really exist. Human relationships are built on a foundation of growth and acclimation, and love at first sight isn't really something for you to lean back on if you want to have someone to hold at night. And yet, at certain times we think that we've attained this ever elusive affection, that our fingers have grasped at its ethereal tail. In laymen's terms: it sucks to land in the friend zone. You know what I'm talking about. When you've fallen for someone thinking that because you "click" so well, that the pieces for a romance are falling in place when in reality you're being regulated as "just" a friend. 

It sucks, don't it. 

Honestly, is it that bad though? I mean, you're still sharing your heart with the other person. What differentiates between a friendship and a relationship? Is it the intimacy? Who says I can't be as intimate with a friend as I am with a lover? Is it the physical relationship? Doesn't that make the romance shallower? I don't know. These are questions that plague me, and these are questions that I'm dipping my pen in and committing onto pieces of parchment, putting into bottles and throwing them into the sea. I'm hoping that I can answer these and whatever is on your mind too, if I recount and explore stories about girls I knew. So let's go, onward onto adventure! Screw the bottles, we'll dive off cliffs and explore the oceans themselves, traversing the carcasses of ships that sunk long ago. We are chasing after ghosts and saying hello.